Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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