My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
