I wish life had little blips of pornography
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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