Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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