i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
