i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Holy shit dude........stairs
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
