I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
