idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
