Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
