When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
