This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
