12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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