I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Oh god it's open bar.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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