hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
is it fun? or sober?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize