whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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