i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
