proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Im part way to drunk.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
