My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize