around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
And then he peed in my hair
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