fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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