This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So much rum. So many feels.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
