I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
