i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
