Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
