is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
