everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
