I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
