if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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