He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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