I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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