I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
