just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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