you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
