Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
