shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
