your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize