it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
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