Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
