is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
