I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
