A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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