So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm sobbing to NWA
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
