I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
