So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
