are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
