You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
