I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
