You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
