And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
