That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
