I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
