I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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