they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
