Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
