What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
