he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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