1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
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