He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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