Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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