the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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