There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
