I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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