i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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