worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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