Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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