I want to have your abortion
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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