Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
