Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize