yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
