She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
