and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
i need some magic done to my vagina
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
