somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
