belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
