I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
